home
***
CD-ROM
|
disk
|
FTP
|
other
***
search
/
The Word 11
/
The Word 11 (Disk 2 of 2).adf
/
Files
/
11-spot_guitarists.txt
/
11-spot_guitarists.txt
Wrap
Text File
|
1996-08-01
|
4KB
|
98 lines
|1-Know your guitarists
a very informative article typed listening to Slash`s Snakepit by
|1-Mammoth/Syndicate
This ere article will give you an insight into the various forms of
guitarists there are, so if you get talking to/meet one you know whether
to avoid them or not, right, lets kick off with an easy spot....
Grunge Guitarists
-----------------
Normally miserable, with long greasy hair, flares and a t-shirt that
needs a damn good wash. Normally around late teens age and plays a
fender strat with distortion pedal and gain up full so the open strings
he hits on the power chords won`t sound. Song he most normally plays -
Smells Like teen Spirit, why?? Cos its all power chords, palm muting
and only 4 chords thats why, ask him to play Aneurysm instead, that`ll
piss him off. (Especially if you say the chords are A5, D5, D#5 and
Eminor). Conversation level - low as they think they are gods gift to
the guitar.
Rock guitarists
---------------
Normally late twenties this lot, either playing Strat, Gibson Les Paul
or Telecaster they spend their entire waking existence perfecting Voodoo
Chile by Hendrix. They laugh in the face of metal and insist that 90%
of the song is their solo based on E minor Pentatonic finishing on a
slide whammy bar arpeggio, they only way to stop these axe-men playing
is to switch the amps off. Conversation level - high, I know a few rock
guitarists and they are very chatty, just dont start discussing music
theory as they know absolutely EVERYTHING, scales, the lot.
Metal Guitarists
----------------
A wide spectrum ere, these can be any age at all sporting the obligatory
Metallica/Megadeth t-shirt playing the biggest Washburn/BC Rich you can
imagine. A metalheads party piece is to play over 200 notes a minute,
watch his right hand at all times, when he has finished ask him if he
can sweep pick. (I.E does the pick hit the strings at all). Listen for
the lack of vibrato is the solo. Conversation level - when sober, good.
When pissed, forget it pal, he`ll twat you with a bass guitar if you
approach him.
Bass Guitarists
---------------
An unknown quantity is yer bass player, normally any age but with long
fingers as a bass is hellish to play with short fingers. Normally seen
alone in the corner bored plucking the same four note riff over and
over, he is longing to get a real guitar and show them the meaning of
the word "screaming solo". Thing to ask him to do - bend the bottom E
up 2 frets worth using his little finger, ouch. Conversation level -
University graduate, I know a bass player and he is a right laugh (Hiya
Nigel, love to Clare).
Acoustic Guitarists
-------------------
The polo-neck mob, usually middle aged with a gorgeous Martin acoustic
these guys put everyone else to shame, they think John Williams is ace
and Gordon Giltrap is the best thing since sliced bread. Acoustic
guitarists are a breed apart, get them on stage they go mad, four finger
picking with the left hand bent into contortionate shapes playing chords
that would have Yngwie Malmsteen rip up his theory notebook. Song to
ask them to play - Stairway to Heaven, just to see the look on their
faces. Conversation level - they dont talk, they`re too busy playing to
come down to your level.
So where do todays guitarists fit then??
Noel Gallagher - ripoff artist.
Eric Clapton - God.
Dimebag Darrell - dangerous!
Yngwie Malmsteen - tosser
Steve Vai - We are not worthy!!
Joe Satriani - HOW fast??
Slash - perfection.
end